ugh, my life is frustrating.
okay, i know i know. this is more banal complaining from some random gay kid in some random rural town that no one actually gives a shit about and no one wants to hear about my life
BUT FUCK IT
because i am frustrated and this is my blog so bitches can get in line to file some complaints
anyways, so i was sitting outside of starbucks with my good friend josh and this guy pulls in a BMW X5.
let me explain that i find BMWs sexually attractive for some reason, maybe because i almost had one. keep your opinions about BMWs to yourself because believe me i’ve heard it all. thanks bye.
so he pulls up in this SEXY AS FUCK BMW and he’s got a really excellent beard, he’s tall, has long dark hair.
he’s wearing a v-neck so i know he plays for my team.
he gets out, and we’s wearing the cutest shorts with boats on them all lithographed and faded with the BEST sperry’s i’ve ever seen and then i notice that his ass and legs are chiseled by bernini from the finest italian marble available. he walks around to the other side of his sex utility vehicle (SUV, mind you) and retrieves his ADORABLE dog and all the while i’m gawking uncontrollably because honestly BEARD + BMW + DOG + SEXY = YES PLZ and my friend josh is like ‘oh yeah, he’s definitely gay’ and i didn’t even hear that because i’m just so in love obviously
and he walks up to were we are sitting outside at starbucks with his dog and his black iced coffee (guys who drink their coffee black are always the best) and he notices me staring like an awkward 12 year old who just saw his first rollercoaster and he says ‘Hi’ and my brain stumbles the motion of replying with a ‘he-hai-hello there’ and he smiles and i try to smile but all that happens is probably something like this
and so he sits there on the phone talking about really important sounding shit and then i’m sitting there with josh while he’s talking about cars or chemistry but poor thing i couldn’t hear it because i was too hot and bothered to function
i kept chain smoking and crying on the inside
and then he gets back in his car and leaves. and i didn’t even get a name.
story of my life